Orville Peck, mental health & me
If we in the mental health field know how to help people feel their feelings in a healthy way, i.e. a way that helps prevent the development of mental illness, why do the cultural norms around feeling emotions require the exact opposite? For example, have you ever felt ashamed for crying when you were sad? Embarrassed for being too excited or giddy? Foolish for earnestly trying something new and, like any beginner, sucking? Have you ever told someone you were doing really well, but in reality you felt terrible? Of course you have! Most of us have.
No, this isn't Orville Peck. But it is his discography in person form. Mixed with a lil Pheobe Bridgers. Tell me I'm wrong.
We are all expected to suppress our emotions to be socially acceptable to others.
And sure, some emotional suppression is necessary (as much as I’d love to throw back my head and scream in frustration when I see my bill at the auto repair shop), but we take it too far and suppress everything that isn’t “doing great!”. What if it didn’t have to be like this? What would an alternative look like? And what the heck does an Orville Peck concert have to do with it?! Read on to find out.
The idea that emotional suppression is a good thing started a long, long time ago.
Many books have been written about how social cultures evolved in the U.S. following colonialism and it’s a bit too much info for my lil blog post. The main idea is: we inherited these ideas from people living in a much crueler world, a world that only considered you a full person if you were a land owning white male. The fact that we have outgrown a lot of their old ideas and worldviews is a serious blessing.
The real question then becomes: why are we still socially enforcing emotional suppression behaviors with one another now that we know they’re terrible for us? Why do we subtly and overtly shame each others emotional expression, if emotional suppression is tied to worse mental health outcomes? Why are men only encouraged to feel angry or horny or “fine”? Why aren’t women encouraged to feel angry or horny?
Why are certain emotions only for certain genders? Aren’t we all human with the same emotional makeup?
And how on earth do these question relate to an Orville Peck concert?? Okay, I’m getting there! You see, Orville has some rules for his concert patrons that he shares when he’s performing. I think if we all applied these rules to our lives, mental health in society would radically improve. P.S. if anyone is still unfamiliar with Orville Peck’s music at this point in the blog post, give that gay masked cowboys’ songs a whirl! You wont be disappointed.
Presenting! The Orville Peck Concert Rules! Rule Number 1- you gotta dance.
Move that body! Do it in ways that feel good! Don’t think about whether it looks good or not. Our bodies are built to move. Our culture treats movement like a punishment, something we should dread. We’re taught to do it to burn calories, and are encouraged to count and track and measure the whole thing. No! Our bodies are meant to move and bend and stretch and contract. Our bodies know what they need. Listen to them! Let them wiggle, let them shake, let them do their thing. Science shows us that being aware of our our bodies needs and heeding those urges leads to better mental health outcomes. Your body is your friend, let it guide you.
Concert Rule Number 2: Sing along, especially if you don’t know the words.
In this life, we will NEVER know the words. We don’t know what’s coming next, we don’t know the one right path, we don’t know what the future holds. Taking the risk to sing along, aka express what feels right, even if it’s off key, even if it's off script, will set your soul free. The act of expressing yourself will help you find your path. So let it out! If you put off doing what feels right for for when you’re perfectly sure and perfectly ready, you’ll never get there. So just start.
Concert Rule Number 3: If you feel like crying, you have to cry.
Call me a grown up emo girl (you wouldn’t be wrong), but this is my favorite one. I especially loved this rule in a crowd of men. Many of the attendees were members of the LGBTQ+ population, but despite probably having more inclusive ideas about masculinity now, if they were assigned male at birth and socialized in a mainstream way, they were socialized to be strong, and being strong means not crying. There are so few arenas where groups of men are actively encouraged to cry together if they like. I love that this concert created one.
The best way to making big emotions feel safe to experience is knowing 1) they wont last forever 2) you aren’t alone & 3) someone is there for you to help you feel it.
That night, we all had each other, and we had permission to feel and express ourselves in the way that felt most honest. But the concert ended, and we reentered the real world, with all of it’s social policing and conformity and emotional suppression. I hope that everyone there had people to go home to who make them feel unconditionally loved and seen. But I know a lot of people don’t have that kind of support.
If you’re reading this, and you feel afraid of your emotions and need help coping with anxiety, an eating disorder or relentless self criticism, I’m here to help.
I would love to help you feel seen and understood.
I can help. Reach out today.
The contents of this blog are for informational purposes only. This blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment that can be provided by your own mental health practitioner. If you have any specific concerns about your mental health, you should consult your doctor and you should not delay seeking medical advice, or treatment for your mental health, because of information on this blog.
Megan Bruce
Megan Bruce is a licensed therapist specializing in eating disorders, anxiety and perfectionism, and quarter life challenges. She is based in San Francisco and sees clients in-person and virtually in the greater California area.
