“I’ll sleep when I’m dead”
Spoiler alert: this is a terrible plan. But it’s a common refrain you hear on college campuses, in tech start ups with 80 hour work weeks, among new parents, etc. It’s said half in jest, but with an element of- eh, sleep isn’t that important. People have so many other demands, this can feel like the easiest one to let up on. The problem is that lack of (or irregular/fragmented) sleep is one of the single best predictors out there for developing a mental health disorder. You are way more vulnerable to conditions like depression, anxiety and chronic burnout when you’re sleep deprived. Every organ in your body operates on a circadian rhythm, every hormone is regulated by our sleep/wake cycles. So while we think we can push through the lack of sleep, the price we pay is often steeper than people realize.
If this image is making you sleepy… maybe it’s time for a nap.
When I was 16, my mom got me a book called “The Joy of Laziness”.
That’s how badly I needed to slow down. I put so much pressure on myself back then— to get good grades, do well in sports, have a job, and be busy, busy, busy. It felt like everyone else around me was doing the same things and in order to be good enough, I had to deplete myself beyond my actual capabilities. If I wanted more sleep, if I wanted down time— too bad! I made myself keep going. When I received this book, I thought it was a bit of a joke. Back then, the title of that book just felt wrong. Indulgent. The idea of enjoying laziness was preposterous! It would take another 10 years for me to open that book with anything like open-minded curiosity.
I’ll sleep when I’m dead is actually something (I’m embarrassed to admit) I used to say. Back then I thought if I just drank enough caffeine and kept going then I wouldn’t have to face the inevitable crash.
But as I learned over and over (and over and over)— the crash always comes.
There is no way to avoid it. It can look like burn out. It can look like depression. It can look like lack of motivation and tearfulness. But the subsequent exhaustion will come. Along with the feelings of confusion and frustration when the symptoms of exhaustion lasts longer than just one or two nights of catch-up sleep.
I had been so conditioned to see my worth as something that could be measured by my accomplishments. So what if it hurt getting there? I needed to be good enough. So I continued that frantic quest for accomplishments until I just couldn’t do it anymore.
Measuring my self worth through external validation was a hard habit to kick. And of course it was- we are all socially praised and rewarded for being busy; purchasing, consuming, accomplishing. There is always something new to buy, something new to do. And lots of social praise for all that we complete and consume. This new dress? These perfect grades? This fancy job? This big event? This new car? Oh gee, it was nothing.
Meanwhile, the effort we spend curating an image of effortless perfection is all consuming.
It’s no wonder we don’t prioritize slowing down. Not when there is so much social reward to be had for burning ourselves out.
But sleep deprivation is a brutal force. I could list all the medical stats here, but it’s a long, long list. If you’re interested in the medical impact of sleep deprivation, look up “sleep deprivation” and “all cause mortality”, (meaning death from all possible causes) to see the mountain of data we have on it’s detrimental physical effects.
As for the psychological effects? Let me put it this way: when I’m treating someone with anxiety or depression, if they’re not getting 7 to 9 hours of sleep, there is very little I can do for them through talk therapy until we get their bodies some good, consistent sleep. I can’t even really tell if someone has clinical depression or anxiety— or if they are just experiencing the psychological impacts of sleep deprivation— until we stabilize their sleep. That’s how foundational sleep is to mental health and quality of life. [Side note: sleep difficulties can also be a primary symptom of mood or anxiety disorders, so being unable to sleep regularly is an important piece of diagnostic information.]
Never mind if you want to have a creative life. A creative life requires boredom.
Space. Nothingness. Putting down your phone. Letting the questions and desire arise within you. If you’re always busy, if you’re always preoccupied, if you’re always moving on to one task or another, there isn’t any time to be with yourself and find out what you really want and desire. And what you want to contribute to the world. What you’re called to do.
You can learn to listen to your body and give it the rest it needs. You can learn how to give yourself space to dream.
You don’t have to keep burning the candle at both ends. You can create a life that is peaceful.
If you don’t know how to prioritize your needs, I can help.
Reach out today.
The contents of this blog are for informational purposes only. This blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment that can be provided by your own mental health practitioner. If you have any specific concerns about your mental health, you should consult your doctor and you should not delay seeking medical advice, or treatment for your mental health, because of information on this blog.
Megan Bruce
Megan Bruce is a licensed therapist specializing in eating disorders, anxiety and perfectionism, and quarter life challenges. She is based in San Francisco and sees clients in-person and virtually in the greater California area.
